on a side note I think it is very funny to put my last two posts together....on the one hand I am this boxcar child and on the other an alleged mother.

Motherhood

It is such a funny experience being a nanny at an age that one could actually almost be a mother. I go every week to this indoor playground with Jonna and see the same other mothers' there every week as well.  There is no reason for them to believe that I am not part of the German mothers' club.

When you walk down the street with a stroller you are given much more respect and endearing eyes by passerbys.  I've even been complemented by my baby's outfits before, and of course as though it were my purchase, I reply with a danke.

Here is one of said babies

I am a Boxcar Child

I live in a mold/mouse laden apartment pieced together with random objects that I have collected from the streets or strikingly cheap at Flea Markets.  I share a literal 'bed' room with two other girls.  I am always seeking money making schemes and finding odd jobs and trying to find things to serve as functional objects in my life.  I am living the life I always fantasized as a third-grader when I obsessed over the Boxcar Children. 


I am a Boxcar Child fulfilling my childhood dreams. When do I become I real person?

My Horoscope

Sometimes they are just spot on!

Cancer

By Rick Levine

The emotional anchor that has been tethering you to your home and family may feel less stable today because your feelings are up in the air and you want to fly on the thermals. Luckily, you don't have as much holding you back now, but this means that you'll need to pay closer attention to establishing your own limits. You can always push them a bit further if you ascertain that there's still something more to learn.

Wow!

A Camel Cigarette Ad I found

Plane old coincidence

I got on my plane (one of the first ones on) and arranged my overhead belongings. After returning to my seat from a restroom break, I found the woman who'd be my neighbor for the flight rearranging my things. I didn't quite understand why she felt the need to move my things to the empty overhead compartment across the way instead of hers, but I decided to just let it be. Anyway as she was moving everything, she carelessly handled my laptop case so that it came tumbling down using the side of her face as a crash reliever. My heart dropped as I quickly swiped the case to make sure the computer still functioned. I didn't even receive an apology, only a shocked expression and a hand holding her recently braised cheek. I was annoyed, but relieved that my new-to-me computer seemed to still be in order.

Anyway it was at this moment that I realized that I had met this woman before. She had actually sat next to me on my flight over. An older, German lady whom was on her way to Florida. As I recalled from our bits of conversation last flight, she was actually quite lovely. I jogged her memory and we realized how strange it was that we were not only again on the same flight but also again sitting beside one another. Not only was I this time sitting at a different part of the plane but I also had chosen both seats. Anyway somehow I have decided to take this all as some sort of sign and I feel as though I should have taken her information or something. I didn't but somehow the fact that she had sat next to me once before caused me to feel less animosity to her. The rest of the flight we exchanged smiles and small bits of conversation.

Anticipating Funnyness

Last night I watched Napolean Dynamite with some friends in Simon's apartment. It still made me laugh a lot. I have seen it a billion times but it still gets me. Then we watched Funny Bone a film that Sirkka brought over. It was very good and she has seen it many times, and she was cracking up the whole time in expectation for what was to come. Just was thinking about how the anticipation of a funny part is probably even more fun than the scene itself. Just a tiny thought.

The point is I spent a lovely Saturday night bumming around with the other Friday-night-party-weathered-people, watching movies

Our Vernissage

If you lived here, you'd be home by now.

After spending the last year in a new country, the idea of what 'home' is, and more importantly, 'where' home is, has become increasingly complicated for former New York based artists Ashley Benzwie and Jessica Snidersich.

A shadow edits the current moment while a static image captures a manipulation of a memory. Ashley's objective was to procure a photo of nearly every home connected to her, beginning with the childhood homes of German grandparents up until her current residency. This included not only places that she actually lived in, but also homes of old friends and family members where she spent a considerable amount of time. This entailed reconnecting with those whom she lost touch with to obtain such images. As Ashley did not inform the speaker that she was recording until after the conversation had taken place, conversations are often awkward and uneasy. Ashley presents us with a compilation of moments extracted from these conversations.

Furthering a previous exploration, blurring the lines between what exists in a private sphere and what belongs in the public domain is an additional theme in Jessica's work. How a space, or the objects in a space, function is a perpetual question concerning the comforts, or lack there of, that come from each place. Jessica provides us with a thorough investigation of a sense of disorientation and upheaval surrounding ideas about home, placement, and displacement.

The two pieces are linked thematically, but evoke varied sensations and experiences. Ashley feeds us a dose of longing nostalgia with a tinge of chaos. The piece is physically intricate and almost overwhelming, while focusing attention on a single image induces a kind of stillness. Jessica on the other hand, weaves subtly underhand sentiments into elements of beauty and comfort. We are reminded of home and its contents, and then jolted into a far less secure reality wrought with uncertainty and fragility.

Pillows and monitor are from Jess's installation, the photo/wood installation is mine.  Then there is the listening room where one can listen to my conversation excerpts photographed as well.

If you lived here, you'd be home by now.

total sidenote...but that's young Michael Benzwie in that photo

lament thy things no more

Objects and I have a complicated relationship. Theoretically, I cherish the important ones but don't wind up taking care of them all too well. Starting with the flood when I was 13, I began to value things less and less. At a very crucial age at that, where I was still young enough for 'old habits' to be young. So my packrat tendencies were able to minimize. I realized that all those things that I saved up until that point and had then lost, I survived without just fine, perhaps better - more simply. My mom always talked about buying one nice thing like a piece of jewelry or so to remember something by, like a trip or an event or an era, what have you.

Anyway, after millions of wallet misplacements, five hundred broken/lost/stolen cameras and bikes and everything else stupid....I am finally starting to come to terms with the fact that these are just things. It's something that you sort of tell yourself on autopilot after one of these episodes, but I finally feel as though I've begun to fully understand and appreciate this concept. The universe is simply teaching me this everytime I am spared of another one of my 'things.' They are only things--ONLY THINGS (ok so I still have to convince myself just a tiny bit). But I am really quite astounded at how little regeret I feel for these missing items. The point is maybe I should cease the day a bit more and not aways be so concerned with how I spend my money because chances are if I stress to much about it for the 'next big thing,' I'd just lose it somehow anyway. I used to feel my stomach sink everytime I thought about a lost possession but now I've finally become able to reevaluate my values a bit. . . and it feels great!

Jung Myer-Briggs Personality Test

...I'm obsessed.

Courtney got me started, but it is accurate right down to physical features. I am ENFP type. Courtney records the types of all her friends, and it's really quite interesting and accurate.

Take the Test. It's 72 yes or no questions. Then analyze relationships here.

Oh yeah, and since only people I know and care about read this, let me know what type you are. I'm interested.

the darkness begins

ahhhh daylight savings time is over. it's 5:30 and it's been dark probably for close to an hour already. only to get worse. oooooo dark, dark, short berlin winter days. here we go again!

I must say though...autumn is a beautiful time in Berlin....so many trees that one can really see (and smell!) that it is in fact autumn. It's such a suburb-city. an uburb?

Gasometer Schöneberg

Yesterday I went here. 456 steps above Berlin. It is a gasometer - until the 90's it stored gas for Belrin and surrounding cities and now is an underused tourist destination.We had to wear ropes attaching the group together. We were with some German Tourists (pictured above) Ben wanted to go in order to get over his fear of heights and simply to check it out and so we scouted it out last week. He got some free tickets from work and a bit shaken up high above the city. I was actually quite surprised how at ease I was so high up there with the wind and all. Anyway it's unfortunate I didn't have my camera as the foggy sky at sunset was really quite beautiful. Fortunately our tourguide Sascha was able to email us these.

meine zweite Sprache

Like a song or a familiar scent, as I have been learning a language without a formal course, I have come to realize that I attach certain words and grammatic forms to those who taught me them. It's as though the memory of these attainments becomes something of a mnemonic device. It is a nice idea that discovering my second language carries so much nostalgia and, well, personality in this way...something that could not come from one's first language to such a strong degree.

Just something I have been thinking about.

Vielen Dank, meine deutsche Freunde.

mein fahrrad war gestohlennnn ! ! neinn

"My bike was stolen ! ! nooo"

I don't even believe I have a photo of the beauty.  In order to get a bit of extra exercise I always bike to a slightly farther s-bahn stop en route to work.  Anyway it was taken from me at the Treptower S-Bahnhof.  The only thing that makes me laugh about the whole thing is that I slept at my friend's house the night before and so in a bag on the trap was a pair of dirty underwear for the thief.  Just yet another incident of dirty underwear in paperbags....spreading throughout.

really quite perfect. 

 ....hahahah

I've always noticed that you had an ugly wallet...

Check out my friend Courtney's all tape wallets. They are made in Berlin from the finest tapes. Purchase them on her site.

Check out her website or go to directly to her
Etsy account.

They are seriously super cool and one of a kind. Very durable too. Tell your friends (she can make custom wallets as well)

Dirty Underwear in Paperbags

Life by Chapter Title (a rough start)....the stories are not included, but feel free to inquire more about a specific chapter!

Table of Contents

Round I -

I. Thorstie's Angels
II. Why Hasn't Anyone Called Us Yet?
III. I Wonder What Art's Doing Right Now?
IV. Boogie Body
V. I Dance All By Myself
VI. Le Su Chef
VII. Keep Those Hands Above the Swords
VIII. Becoming the Help
IX. Skinhead Soul Searching
X. Homeless, 40 Euro Confessions
XI. Foreign Babies in Sleds
XII. Tiny Lives Hibernation
XIII. Winter Neurosis
XIV. It's a Bit Chad
XV. Brothel Hostel
XVI. Beschuldigung!
XVII. Oh, Nico...
XVIII. Lost Wallets, Cameras, & a Gold Tow
XIX. Crash Course Therapy

Round II -

I. Longest Layover on a Direct Flight
II. Return to Kottbusserdamm
III. Are You With Awesome Guy?
IV. That's My Brother!
V. Whorkshops & Bonding
VI. Cliché Cassanova
VII. Arrogant Spaniard Jam Sessions
VIII. Ideenfabrik - Installation Life
IX. Peters our Leaders
X. Richard Kommune, die Anfang
XI. Fusing at Fusion
XII. An Object of Yours
XIII. Circling Dresden
XIV. Portable Blenders & Raw Food
XV. Chairstanding Internet Access

Ideenfabrik Blog

Check out our Blog --> Die Ideenfabrik

...our collective and our process.  checkkk itttt

Feeling Good

From New York as I contemplated my return to Berlin, I found myself feeling quite wishy-washy about everything. I couldn't yet decide where I'd rather be. Something of the 'grass is always greener' effect but more like 'the country is always harder to be in' effect. Thankfully with the 'country is always harder' effect, one feels much more positive once you get there.

The temperature has been phenomenal, the sun has been shining high, and the friends have been helpful. God! I just need it to be Sunny and warm year round! Currently between flats, our friends here have been more than hospitable as we navigate through our plans for the next chapter here in Berlin.

Despite my current happiness here, I do want to take a moment to thank all of my amazing and supportive family and friends back home for dealing with me and my crazes and giving me places to stay/great people to have a good time with/cry with bla bla bla. You really are all such incredible people who I am very fortunate to come home to. I mean it. You all make New York and New Jersey a special place for me.

we're backkkk ! !

Berlin Round II has begun and the bumbling continues. After 6 weeks of visiting our American home, time slipped past us and it became time to return. Me without a German phone (because yes I lost it as I was getting ready to board the plane en route to NY) and Jess with a dead one, we had none of the numbers of our German friends, nor any plan to meet them upon our landing. But we DID have everything we needed to live with for at least 7 months.

So we do get to Berlin Tegel, and upon our luggage retreival (being the last ones to leave the baggage claim) we find ourselves being pulled into another room for a search and questioning. Kein problem however, after opening my baggage and seeing all of the vacuum bags worth of clothes, the officers were at first frightened, but quickly soothed by the yearlong visa I had in my passport.

Then came the 'where do we go now?' issue. No plan, no numbers, no phones. Games of tag with the internet access that we paid for at the airport. After a couple hours of periodically sending emails then sporadically checking for replies and various pay phone usages...some euro later we
had determined a destination for yet another 3 hours later. With all of our belongings outside the airport we found a perfect suntanning place before we could take off to Jasch's.

5 hours bumbling at Tegel, it was the only layover I ever had on a direct flight.