Anticipating Funnyness

Last night I watched Napolean Dynamite with some friends in Simon's apartment. It still made me laugh a lot. I have seen it a billion times but it still gets me. Then we watched Funny Bone a film that Sirkka brought over. It was very good and she has seen it many times, and she was cracking up the whole time in expectation for what was to come. Just was thinking about how the anticipation of a funny part is probably even more fun than the scene itself. Just a tiny thought.

The point is I spent a lovely Saturday night bumming around with the other Friday-night-party-weathered-people, watching movies

Our Vernissage

If you lived here, you'd be home by now.

After spending the last year in a new country, the idea of what 'home' is, and more importantly, 'where' home is, has become increasingly complicated for former New York based artists Ashley Benzwie and Jessica Snidersich.

A shadow edits the current moment while a static image captures a manipulation of a memory. Ashley's objective was to procure a photo of nearly every home connected to her, beginning with the childhood homes of German grandparents up until her current residency. This included not only places that she actually lived in, but also homes of old friends and family members where she spent a considerable amount of time. This entailed reconnecting with those whom she lost touch with to obtain such images. As Ashley did not inform the speaker that she was recording until after the conversation had taken place, conversations are often awkward and uneasy. Ashley presents us with a compilation of moments extracted from these conversations.

Furthering a previous exploration, blurring the lines between what exists in a private sphere and what belongs in the public domain is an additional theme in Jessica's work. How a space, or the objects in a space, function is a perpetual question concerning the comforts, or lack there of, that come from each place. Jessica provides us with a thorough investigation of a sense of disorientation and upheaval surrounding ideas about home, placement, and displacement.

The two pieces are linked thematically, but evoke varied sensations and experiences. Ashley feeds us a dose of longing nostalgia with a tinge of chaos. The piece is physically intricate and almost overwhelming, while focusing attention on a single image induces a kind of stillness. Jessica on the other hand, weaves subtly underhand sentiments into elements of beauty and comfort. We are reminded of home and its contents, and then jolted into a far less secure reality wrought with uncertainty and fragility.

Pillows and monitor are from Jess's installation, the photo/wood installation is mine.  Then there is the listening room where one can listen to my conversation excerpts photographed as well.

If you lived here, you'd be home by now.

total sidenote...but that's young Michael Benzwie in that photo

lament thy things no more

Objects and I have a complicated relationship. Theoretically, I cherish the important ones but don't wind up taking care of them all too well. Starting with the flood when I was 13, I began to value things less and less. At a very crucial age at that, where I was still young enough for 'old habits' to be young. So my packrat tendencies were able to minimize. I realized that all those things that I saved up until that point and had then lost, I survived without just fine, perhaps better - more simply. My mom always talked about buying one nice thing like a piece of jewelry or so to remember something by, like a trip or an event or an era, what have you.

Anyway, after millions of wallet misplacements, five hundred broken/lost/stolen cameras and bikes and everything else stupid....I am finally starting to come to terms with the fact that these are just things. It's something that you sort of tell yourself on autopilot after one of these episodes, but I finally feel as though I've begun to fully understand and appreciate this concept. The universe is simply teaching me this everytime I am spared of another one of my 'things.' They are only things--ONLY THINGS (ok so I still have to convince myself just a tiny bit). But I am really quite astounded at how little regeret I feel for these missing items. The point is maybe I should cease the day a bit more and not aways be so concerned with how I spend my money because chances are if I stress to much about it for the 'next big thing,' I'd just lose it somehow anyway. I used to feel my stomach sink everytime I thought about a lost possession but now I've finally become able to reevaluate my values a bit. . . and it feels great!

Jung Myer-Briggs Personality Test

...I'm obsessed.

Courtney got me started, but it is accurate right down to physical features. I am ENFP type. Courtney records the types of all her friends, and it's really quite interesting and accurate.

Take the Test. It's 72 yes or no questions. Then analyze relationships here.

Oh yeah, and since only people I know and care about read this, let me know what type you are. I'm interested.

the darkness begins

ahhhh daylight savings time is over. it's 5:30 and it's been dark probably for close to an hour already. only to get worse. oooooo dark, dark, short berlin winter days. here we go again!

I must say though...autumn is a beautiful time in Berlin....so many trees that one can really see (and smell!) that it is in fact autumn. It's such a suburb-city. an uburb?

Gasometer Schöneberg

Yesterday I went here. 456 steps above Berlin. It is a gasometer - until the 90's it stored gas for Belrin and surrounding cities and now is an underused tourist destination.We had to wear ropes attaching the group together. We were with some German Tourists (pictured above) Ben wanted to go in order to get over his fear of heights and simply to check it out and so we scouted it out last week. He got some free tickets from work and a bit shaken up high above the city. I was actually quite surprised how at ease I was so high up there with the wind and all. Anyway it's unfortunate I didn't have my camera as the foggy sky at sunset was really quite beautiful. Fortunately our tourguide Sascha was able to email us these.

meine zweite Sprache

Like a song or a familiar scent, as I have been learning a language without a formal course, I have come to realize that I attach certain words and grammatic forms to those who taught me them. It's as though the memory of these attainments becomes something of a mnemonic device. It is a nice idea that discovering my second language carries so much nostalgia and, well, personality in this way...something that could not come from one's first language to such a strong degree.

Just something I have been thinking about.

Vielen Dank, meine deutsche Freunde.

mein fahrrad war gestohlennnn ! ! neinn

"My bike was stolen ! ! nooo"

I don't even believe I have a photo of the beauty.  In order to get a bit of extra exercise I always bike to a slightly farther s-bahn stop en route to work.  Anyway it was taken from me at the Treptower S-Bahnhof.  The only thing that makes me laugh about the whole thing is that I slept at my friend's house the night before and so in a bag on the trap was a pair of dirty underwear for the thief.  Just yet another incident of dirty underwear in paperbags....spreading throughout.

really quite perfect. 

 ....hahahah

I've always noticed that you had an ugly wallet...

Check out my friend Courtney's all tape wallets. They are made in Berlin from the finest tapes. Purchase them on her site.

Check out her website or go to directly to her
Etsy account.

They are seriously super cool and one of a kind. Very durable too. Tell your friends (she can make custom wallets as well)

Dirty Underwear in Paperbags

Life by Chapter Title (a rough start)....the stories are not included, but feel free to inquire more about a specific chapter!

Table of Contents

Round I -

I. Thorstie's Angels
II. Why Hasn't Anyone Called Us Yet?
III. I Wonder What Art's Doing Right Now?
IV. Boogie Body
V. I Dance All By Myself
VI. Le Su Chef
VII. Keep Those Hands Above the Swords
VIII. Becoming the Help
IX. Skinhead Soul Searching
X. Homeless, 40 Euro Confessions
XI. Foreign Babies in Sleds
XII. Tiny Lives Hibernation
XIII. Winter Neurosis
XIV. It's a Bit Chad
XV. Brothel Hostel
XVI. Beschuldigung!
XVII. Oh, Nico...
XVIII. Lost Wallets, Cameras, & a Gold Tow
XIX. Crash Course Therapy

Round II -

I. Longest Layover on a Direct Flight
II. Return to Kottbusserdamm
III. Are You With Awesome Guy?
IV. That's My Brother!
V. Whorkshops & Bonding
VI. Cliché Cassanova
VII. Arrogant Spaniard Jam Sessions
VIII. Ideenfabrik - Installation Life
IX. Peters our Leaders
X. Richard Kommune, die Anfang
XI. Fusing at Fusion
XII. An Object of Yours
XIII. Circling Dresden
XIV. Portable Blenders & Raw Food
XV. Chairstanding Internet Access

Ideenfabrik Blog

Check out our Blog --> Die Ideenfabrik

...our collective and our process.  checkkk itttt

Feeling Good

From New York as I contemplated my return to Berlin, I found myself feeling quite wishy-washy about everything. I couldn't yet decide where I'd rather be. Something of the 'grass is always greener' effect but more like 'the country is always harder to be in' effect. Thankfully with the 'country is always harder' effect, one feels much more positive once you get there.

The temperature has been phenomenal, the sun has been shining high, and the friends have been helpful. God! I just need it to be Sunny and warm year round! Currently between flats, our friends here have been more than hospitable as we navigate through our plans for the next chapter here in Berlin.

Despite my current happiness here, I do want to take a moment to thank all of my amazing and supportive family and friends back home for dealing with me and my crazes and giving me places to stay/great people to have a good time with/cry with bla bla bla. You really are all such incredible people who I am very fortunate to come home to. I mean it. You all make New York and New Jersey a special place for me.

we're backkkk ! !

Berlin Round II has begun and the bumbling continues. After 6 weeks of visiting our American home, time slipped past us and it became time to return. Me without a German phone (because yes I lost it as I was getting ready to board the plane en route to NY) and Jess with a dead one, we had none of the numbers of our German friends, nor any plan to meet them upon our landing. But we DID have everything we needed to live with for at least 7 months.

So we do get to Berlin Tegel, and upon our luggage retreival (being the last ones to leave the baggage claim) we find ourselves being pulled into another room for a search and questioning. Kein problem however, after opening my baggage and seeing all of the vacuum bags worth of clothes, the officers were at first frightened, but quickly soothed by the yearlong visa I had in my passport.

Then came the 'where do we go now?' issue. No plan, no numbers, no phones. Games of tag with the internet access that we paid for at the airport. After a couple hours of periodically sending emails then sporadically checking for replies and various pay phone usages...some euro later we
had determined a destination for yet another 3 hours later. With all of our belongings outside the airport we found a perfect suntanning place before we could take off to Jasch's.

5 hours bumbling at Tegel, it was the only layover I ever had on a direct flight.

Amerissian Dressing

When I was at Center Parcs with my family (nanny family that is) after all the incredibly heavy food I was being fed by the family. Greasy meat, tons of white bread rolls, croissants, noodles, cheese, and of course a constant flow of candy, all I wanted was a salad. I was being deprived of my vegetables! Anyway when I ordered I had the option of Balsamico, Italian, something else and American dressing. I chose Balsamico I believe for my very mediocre snack bar salad I think. But anyway the point of my story is that there was an American dressing. I asked Chris (the mom) what American dressing was. And turns out it's what we call Russian Dressing. Now it makes more sense to me that it's called American dressing - I mean it's KETCHUP & Mayo (though it also sounds like something that Germans would love - since they eat so well!) . I wanted to know why we call it Russian Dressing though.

So here are some Russian/American Dressing facts according to Wikipedia:

Russian dressing was invented in the United States in the late 1800s or early 1900s.

During the Cold War, many US restaurants referred to the dressing as "Sweet Tomato Dressing" to show their preference to capitalism over communism.

Some claim that the dressing's name originated in the fact that the condiment in those days typically included caviar, a food associated with Russia. Referenced at: Food Reference

Wild Boars

Ahhh....Bianca is always talking about how she is so scared of running into wild boars where she lives (Klein Machnow - a suburb outside of Berlin). She hates taking the walk home from the bus to her house at night because she fears a runin.

It never occurred to me that I too should fear a run-in with these wild beasts. On my way home from work in Charlottenberg (my Monday/Tuesday family) I walked down the small path, a shortcut I take to get to the S-Bahn. I saw some bushes rustle, and kept walking until I saw something jump over the fence. And I heard a snort and in the shadows I could make out a 5 or 6 of them. I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Apparently they can't see very well, but I had convinced myself that they were deadly.

Turns out these boars have become an issue recently in Central Europe because of the Global Warning's recent mild winters. They are particularly an issue in Berlin because there are so many small forests and gardens within the actual city.

I am irrationally scared now. I don't think they are typically a problem to passerbys but I am mildly afraid of the dark as it is, and now that I know the dark can be shared with these lurking pig predecessors! ! ayyyyyyy

New Yorkers Speak

My friend Davide from Milan is working on a project analyzing New York City culture and just city living in general. It is just a general forum. He would like to hear input from New Yorkers or those who once were there. Check out his blog and comment on what people have to say:

How to Explain - 5 W's

Disclaimer

I was glancing at my last post, and realized that a lot of times my entries don't follow through on thoughts and contain a lot of grammatical errors. This is because I often just type the way my brain is working in it's spacy way and then get sick of it all and decide not to read over what I wrote or correct it. Just wanted to put that out there. Just wanted to excuse myself for myself. Like you cared ! ! :) Emoticons.

Bath Houses

This was one of the saunas I was in, but only in the ad do people have towels on. Also people didn't look this good.

Germans love their saunas and bathhouses. nude of course. Last week I went with one of the families I work for to this indoor water park type place called Center Parcs Bispinger. I almost didn't go because she mentioned the saunas. perhaps if it were the time of year where I didn't feel as gross as I do in winter, I wouldn't have felt so shy. But I decided to beat the mentalities of prude USA out of me once and for all. And I decided to go anyway. Life experience, Life experience, Life experience. That's my motto and excuse for everything these days. I went and sure enough into the bath house all day with my employer and her children and the rest of the resort. All naked. At one point I was in a pool tossing little Anna back and forth between me and her mother. Anyway I often can't imagine how my life has become what it has, but it sure is interesting.

Also there are much less creeps in Berlin than NY. Cat calling and being disrespectfully hit on at bars is quite rare here. My guess is that this has something to do with the lack of sexual repression that exists in Germany. People don't find nudity or sex nearly as taboo as they do in the states, and so they don't wind up reacting nearly as disgusting. When they see a girl that's walking down the street that just looks good they don't think as much of it I guess because they could just go to the bath house and see her naked - no big deal. hahahah hahaha

Coming to You

Dinner Dance Party establishing American, Swedish, & German Connections. Featuring Dr. Pussy Pop himself.

I don't think Lennart knows I have a blog..he'd probably kill me if he knew I posted this. I think he even said 'don't put that on facebook, Ashley' Well this isn't fb! Sorry Lenny Penny!

Just Not My Luck

I literally took this picture with flash of the cellar just so I had an idea of where I should go (this is just another reason I always carry my camera with me)

After leaving the Norwegian visiting babes in Kreuzberg with Jess to go to work, I stopped off at some stores that were having incredible sales. I finally got a few much needed new items. My wardrobe was literally composed of very old deteriorating rags.

Anyway this isn't really the point.

I don't have much time at this point because I stopped at these stores but I needed to stop home and drop off my bags and figure out where I had to pick up Tim, my German son. Just as I put my key in the front door of the building as I took it out, it slipped from my fingers into the grate below it.

YUP! It fell right down below the ground. My jaw droppppped, kneeling on the ground staring at the keys 10 feet below the ground. Jess was across town, (though I called her to be sure - turns out her phone was on our bed) I have no other keys, and only a little bit of time before I need to pick up Tim. A man right behind me was also entering the building and saw the whole debacle. He mentions in German that there is a cellar and I could try to get it there. I walk in to the front building to the cellar. it was pitch black and dirty filled with junk. I saw rat traps everywhere. I was soo scared. I found a lighter and a cell phone, but still could barely see a thing. Heart racing, completely sure rats were about to attack me I finally followed the light (where the grate was above) and I sifted through the dirt and trash and found my keys. PHEW then I got out of there as soon as I could!

Right after rushing around the apartment, I was getting it together for work. I just bought super glue to fix the button on my jeans. I needed to open the seal of the glue and I grab something sharp. I opened it up and the glue OF COURSE spewed all over my hands! My hands were literally coated in non water soluble SUPER GLUE!

I got to the school to pick up Tim and I realized that I forgot to look up how to get to his house from his school (I never pick Tim up so I didn't already know). Thankfully I figure out some sort of public transportation but of course I picked the route that caused us to wait 20 minutes at our transfer outside in the cold. I had been picking the glue off my fingers all day that they were bleeding!

Anyway by time I got to their house an hour later then I probably should have things smoothed out. Frozen pizza was ready and me and the mother got Anna a costume together for her Schneeflocken (Snowflake) Party. The mother loved my paper snowflake stitched dress design.

Norwegian Sweet Babes

Beautiful Sunshine day in Kreuzberg

Christin: Norwegian Sweet Babes

Note Christin's Rose Ring, we all got them for Sweet Babe Power

These Norwegian ladies sure knew how to eat. Constantly getting snacks everywhere. Benne woke us up in the mornings with a full breakfast setup (eggs not shown in the picture)

shirts shirts shirts

remember brooklynites in my last apartment that bizarre graphic of a boy who peed his pants? well out of curiousity, I just checked out the website of guys who commisioned me for various t-shirt designs and turns out a couple of them have been put up on the site. They have been very slightly edited I noticed, but here they are







They are here at Past Blastin T-shirts

Oh and Josh if you read this, that image of the boy was modeled after this photo:

New Years Eve 2008

Silvester 2008 - Berlin is a War Zone at New Years Eve. My camera ran out of batteries so this doesn't even show how crazy it actually got. After we went to a really fun party with all of my friends in one place stress free. The Best New Years I have ever had hands down!

Life Reflection

This is probably something meant more for a diary, but since this is my blog I decided to publish it.

In New York career comes first then life while in Berlin it is quite common for life to create career. i feel ok being a nanny 15-20 hours a week and surviving off that. I feel ok sharing a bed with my best friend in a small apartment. I have been brought up by my society to feel subpar about this, but I am choosing where I am bringing myself up in these crucial years now. And I am learning so much about cultural development and mostly myself as a result. This is not to say that I was brought up poorly, if i didn't have the supportive parents that I do have, coming here may never have happened or it simply would have been a lot more emotionally tolling on me. I am speaking more in cultural generalities. There is community here, people are not concerned with being cool or ironic, they just want to enjoy life and in turn they are cool. people are genuinely interested in helping others and meeting new people. new york is just so self-absorbed and paranoid that everyone is out to fuck them or rip off their style. and it is for that reason that I never knew about couch-surfing until I got here.

For now on when I travel I will use couch-surfing instead of hostels or hotels. This is a program where there is cultural exchange. Online you search through a database of people in different cities/towns that will accept you into their homes or simply just show you around their city as a local (people are given reviews so that you have an idea of who they are). This way you get a true experience and not something in travel book or in a pre-planned bar crawl listing of hotel. No you might not be sleeping in the fanciest or most comfortable setting, yes you might feel a bit awkward at times with the strangers you are staying with. You might even have some paranoia, but these are the chances that I feel I must take to keep learning about the world and myself. It's not even so much about saving money, because as a guest in someone's home you might want to take them out for dinner or drinks, but this is money spent on making people happy and meeting others instead of on some overpriced bed. You don't HAVE to offer a place to stay in your hometown, but when you are able, it's a really nice thing to do, and you meet some amazing people. I have already met so many great people just by hanging out with other friends' couch surfers.

Yes this has a lot to do with the fact that rent is so expensive in New York and so people are just trying to get a piece for themselves while here it is much easier to come by. But also America was created as a country of independence and the culture has been developed on that. Europeans are just much more community based and its beautiful and sincere. i have never seen so many people just go so out of their way for others as I have here. Our group have friends have bent over backwards to help us out and just completely accepted us foreigners into every facet of their life. This is not a bash on New York, because I love the people I left at home and it is my home and what has shaped me into the person I am, but I think that we have a lot to learn. And it doesn't necessarily require a flee from the country, but just some reflection. Question yourself, maybe put yourself out of your comfort zone every once in a while. Question your values. Helping others and being kind and little bit less self obsessed benefits everybody. Good energy is contagious and just so worth it.